In praise of writing, and an insight into adrenal fatigue

Hello, my name is Trudie. You might remember me from such places as... this very blog, which I
have somewhat abandoned of late. Please read on as I attempt to redeem myself with this shiny new blog post.
When I started www.onegroundedangel.com three years ago, I made a commitment to post three times a week. I was at war with myself, struggling with my sense of self and feeling isolated by what I perceived as the oppressive blanket of being an outsider (I was just starting to wake up to my spiritual calling). The angels advised me to ‘write my way out of it’.
And it helped. As the words flowed before me on the screen, a sort of alchemy occurred: I began to make sense of my emotions and could see the path ahead with a smidgen more clarity. My black spots diminished. Suddenly I had a sense of purpose; my life had meaning. Responses from others who 'got it' buoyed me; I began to feel less alone - still freakish (well, the best people are!), but more accepting of that.

Then, without my intending it, my blog morphed into a business site as my angel card business started to gain traction. With the demands of social media and a YouTube channel, launched one year ago, my commitment to the blog waned.

These days I am barely managing one non-social-media-driven post a month. Those I do post are more functional than personal, and while that’s probably OK for the majority of people who click through to my site looking for information on my spiritual services, it’s kind of not OK for me. Because without a written portal for my thoughts, I’ve noticed I’m more likely to ruminate and get stuck in unhelpful thought patterns. Writing truly is cathartic. Science confirms it – research from Pennsylvania State University in the US found that keeping a ‘thought journal’ every day improved emotional balance.

So on that note, here’s an update on what’s been going on in my world of late.

This year I’ve been really struggling with low energy. Not just the ‘wow it’s been a big week’ sort of fatigue, but the ‘urge to sleep all weekend but still wouldn’t feel refreshed’ type. It’s not like any sort of fatigue I have ever known – and that’s coming from someone who has had insomnia much of her adult life. I did not notice that what I was enveloped in was not a normal sort of exhaustion. After a mild cold cleared quickly but left me feeling even more flat, I decided enough was enough and I sought out a naturopath.

What came up in tests was not low immunity, as I’d suspected, but abnormally low levels of the stress-hormone cortisol. The result: adrenal fatigue. Which was laughable since in my work as a health writer I’ve covered that very topic more than once in the past, interviewing the likes of holistic nutritionist Dr Libby Weaver, but failed to notice the symptoms in myself.

Adrenal fatigue is what happens when you operate at breakneck speed for too long. Essentially,

your body, interpreting the pressure you’re under as a dangerous situation, goes into fight or flight mode, releasing adrenaline to help you survive. This is designed to be a short-term response, to get you away from the perceived danger, but in today’s high-pressure environment, this has become a long-term state. Because our stress never dissipates, so the adrenaline keeps getting pumped out. Too much adrenaline in the body raises blood pressure and causes inflammation, so the body releases cortisol to bring these down. Because the body is unable to sustain prolonged high-cortisol release, the adrenal glands crash. You will feel, as I have for most of this year, like you are dragging your body around, day after day, and never able to regain your energy. Other effects others have reported include: constantly getting illnesses, sudden unexplained weight gain you can’t shift, low sex drive and constant irritability.

As well as dosing me up on myriad herbs and potions, my naturopath has instructed me to make some much-needed lifestyle changes. I’m banned from looking at my phone or tablet after 9pm (the blue light from these screens raises cortisol output). I must wake up between 6am and 7pm (sleeping in is a bad idea), and must be in bed by 9.30pm. I can only exercise in the mornings, at low or moderate intensity. I must reduce my sugar intake (something I have been using as a crutch to get me through the afternoons, as I don’t drink caffeine). When I’m working from home, I’m encouraged to take a short afternoon nap.

Not surprisingly to those who know me well, it’s the evening phone restriction that’s been the hardest change to implement, but it’s forced me to address my phone dependency. I spend too much time on social media, and that’s been partly contributing to my inability to switch off at the end of the evening. And so I’m trying to relax my tendency to keep checking into the online world on a regular basis; I am now questioning my compulsion to respond to every single message. These are the things that prevent me feeling fully present in my off-line (actual) life, and contribute to my difficulty relaxing in weekends and holidays.

It’s been a few weeks since I started implementing these changes – some days I do better than others – and I’m already starting to feel better. It’s a long road ahead to fully heal my energy – there is no quick fix for adrenal fatigue – and I need to be patient with the process. However if I don’t spend the time now restoring my health, I’ll crash again in the future, and then I can’t do what my soul came here to do. My body is, after all, a home for my soul. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

The message my body has been sending me (that I've been ignoring)

I'm not very good at being sick (who is?). I rail at the unfairness of not being able to follow through with my plans, trying desperately to convince my body it's fine, silently seething at the sick people who probably infected me (damn you, coughing man on the bus!). Since I'm self-employed I lose money for every day I don't work, so I can't help but panic about the hit to my income... which only magnifies the unrest within my body instead of promoting rest (so helpful). It's a shitty situation, and yet, a very necessary one.

Recently I was struck down by a sinus infection that morphed into a chest infection. I was confined to bed for almost three days, too weak and feverish to move. And I was miserable. 

When situations like this happen - which is very rare for me as my immune system is really robust - it's difficult to remind myself that being sick is NORMAL. There is nothing wrong with me. My body has not shut down because it's broken, it has shut down because it wants to be stronger... and for that to happen, it needs to rest and rejuvenate. That quote 'almost everything works best if you turn it off and turn it on again' is pretty on point when it comes to colds and flus. 

But because we live in a 'go go go' culture, resting is frowned upon. We try to 'soldier on' instead of giving our bodies what they actually need - rest, and acceptance of our present circumstances. Our to-do list seems so much more important than our health (even though, without our health, we can't do anything). Then we wonder why we feel wiped out and then get sick again later.

Why is it so hard for us to listen to our bodies?

We also have a tendency to talk ourselves into being sick... not ideal. If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone in the office declare: 'I think I'm getting sick' or 'there's something going around - everyone's getting sick' I'd be a very rich woman. When we talk or think about illness as an inevitability - even in jest - the body responds by winding down our defences. The body, after all, is programmed to respond to messages from the brain. I am not saying our thoughts *make* us sick, obviously, but we do have the power to significantly increase the likelihood that we'll fall prey to bacteria and viruses with the messages we send our bodies. I regularly say to myself 'I have great health' and 'my immune system is strong'. This doesn't mean I never get sick (clearly) but it does mean my defences are higher. Which means that when I do come down with something, my body is really in need of rest.

The truth is, my body had been telling me for weeks that it needed a break. (I have a holiday booked in very soon... but, unfortunately, not soon enough.) When I refused to listen to its pleas for relaxation, it forced me to listen. Will I never learn?

I have a lot of work to do in this area. I say yes to things that I know I don't have time for. I limit my sleep so I can fit more work in. I know I'm not the only one who does this. We are all writing cheques that our bodies can't cash. I'm reminded of the Dalai Lama's response when he was asked what surprises him most about humanity: 'Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.'

It's very clear to me that I need to break that cycle. 

We have insurance for fire and theft, but how do we insure against emotional crises?

I am insured for all sorts of disastrous events that are highly unlikely to happen – touch wood! – but no one is offering me insurance against the sorts of things that are actually likely to derail me throughout my life. There’s a good reason for that – any company offering insurance against heartbreak, friendship breakdowns, career crises and cripplingly low mood would go bankrupt. But as I went through the process of assessing my insurance arrangements recently, I started thinking about whether I’m doing enough to insure myself against the highly damaging events that we’re all subject to, at one point or another. A sort of emotional insurance, I guess. Obviously nothing can prevent tough times, but there are lots of ways we can minimise the damage, and bounce back more quickly.

Here are a few of the things I came up with. Some of these I am already doing, others I need to make a better effort at.

EXERCISING SELF-CARE

For some reason, we tend to be great at looking after other people and really crap at looking after ourselves – women, especially. I’m certainly not going to hold myself up as a model of good behaviour. I know how important it is to eat well, drink plenty of water and get enough exercise and sleep, and although I fall down in one or more of these areas at times, I think I’m doing a pretty good job overall. I don’t practise self-care out of a sense of obligation – unlike the types of people who make a show of eating a salad 'to be good', as if trying to win brownie points with their body – I do it because I know how much better I feel when my body is getting what it needs. If I feel like a chocolate bar I’m going to eat a chocolate bar, and not feel guilty about it – self-care is not a slavish devotion to healthy living. 

SETTING GOALS

Choosing something to aim for – running a marathon, setting a savings goal, shooting for a work promotion – does a lot to enhance your emotional health. Firstly, it lifts you out of a sense of feeling stuck and dissatisfied with your life. Secondly, backing yourself to strive for something reinforces your sense of self-worth. And finally, the sense of satisfaction from achieving a goal further boosts your self-esteem. Having healthy self-esteem is a big, big deal – it means you’re better able to weather difficult times and more likely to form healthy, nourishing relationships. 

COMMITTING TO DAILY MEDITATION

Look, I know I talk about meditation a lot, but honestly, it is the best tool I have in my arsenal for staying calm and focused. That doesn’t mean I don’t lose my shit sometimes, but it does mean my emotional baseline is higher – I can return to a calm centre more easily, and from there my intuition is more accessible. Deepak Chopra says that meditation isn’t about making your mind be quiet, it’s about tapping into the quiet that is already within you. I love that.

CONNECTING

This is a big one for me, because I’m introverted and have a tendency to isolate myself. For the most part that is not a problem, however, if I become totally reclusive that’s unhealthy. Why? Because it’s our relationships to others that give our lives meaning. Spending time with people we love is consistently rated as one of life’s most enriching experiences. And no, connecting on social media doesn’t count.

Connecting to your community, too, is hugely beneficial for your emotional health, through volunteering, joining groups and attending local events. This is an important way to protect yourself against feeling isolated and lonely.

PRACTISING GRATITUDE

Another thing I bang on about – for good reason. Across the board in positive psychology research, gratitude is consistently associated with happiness. Reflecting on what’s great in your life, instead of what you perceive to be wrong, in a sincere way – not a vapid "beyond blessed" way, a la celebs on Instagram – will always bring you back to a state of contentment. If you’re aware of how wonderful your life truly is, you’ll treat yourself better, will make better choices and you’ll commit to overcoming obstacles with a greater sense of resolve. I have no research to prove this, I just know that this is true. Kinda makes sense, if you think about it. 

The best part: there are no pricey premiums on this insurance policy, and the payoff is readily accessible.

Don't be a martyr – say NO to other people and say YES to yourself

“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.”

I saw this quote on Instagram the other day and I actually cheered. I’ve been wanting to write a post about the power of saying NO for some time, and this quote sums up my thoughts perfectly. 

You know how safety announcements on planes tell you to attach your own oxygen mask before helping others with their masks? That’s because you can’t help other people if you have not been looking after yourself. In simpler, less alarming terms: you can’t give energy if your own tank is empty. 

A lot of people who seek reiki treatment have emotional imbalances because they’ve created energy blocks in their bodies through having a lack of boundaries in their lives.

So many of us – especially women, because we’re often socially conditioned to be people-pleasers – struggle to say the word NO to things that we don’t want to do because we think people won’t like us. We don’t like letting people down – so we say yes to every social event or request... and in doing so, we let ourselves down, because we end up stressed and on the path to burnout. We fear what other people will think of us if we say NO so we say yes, then we end up resentful about having no time to ourselves, and feel like we’re being taken advantage of. We also feel stupidly, irrationally guilty about saying NO. 

Just to clear this up: no is not a bad word. It is a very powerful tool for protecting and enriching your energy levels and emotional health. If you consistently say yes when you want to say no, others will expect you to drop everything to help them whenever they need to move house, organise their parents’ anniversary party or remove an ingrown hair – because they’re responding to your past behaviour. You can’t expect people to honour boundaries that you have failed to set. 

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help out your mates and spend time with your relatives and in-laws – but not at the expense of your own health and wellbeing. If you feel like someone might be taking the piss and you’re feeling resentful about it, they probably are. Set very clear parameters, eg: “Yes I’ll come to your sister-in-law’s baby shower with you but I’ll only stay an hour” or “I won’t be able to give you a lift to yoga on Saturday morning because I really need a sleep-in but I’ll meet you for a quick coffee next weekend” or “I’ll look after your kids for two hours if you’ll pick mine up from school when I have a doctor’s appointment”.

You do not have to be a martyr in order to have close friendships or loving relationships. In fact, people will respect you more if you do set boundaries. If they don’t... maybe you need to ask yourself how much of a presence you want them to have in your life. 

The most important thing you need to know when it comes to boundaries is that saying yes to everyone does not make you popular or loved – it makes you a doormat. Set boundaries... before you set yourself on fire. 

PS I’ve just posted the quote at the top of this page on my Instagram – if it takes your fancy, visit my feed at @onegroundedangel and regram it.