Confessions of a crap meditator

When my mother was a child, she enrolled in ballet lessons, full of enthusiasm… then quit after a month because they wouldn’t teach her how to dance Swan Lake. I’ve always loved this anecdote, not only because it brilliantly illustrates that self-righteous indignation particular to pre-teen girls, but also because I can understand her objection to pursuing an activity she didn’t immediately excel at.

Generally speaking, I go out of my way to avoid things I’m not good at – budgeting, walking in heels, samurai-sword fighting (admittedly this last one is not an everyday problem). But meditation has been the one thing I continue to do even though I fail at it again and again and again.

In a world which focuses on results, success and achievement, committing every day to doing something I have yet to improve at feels a little, well, pointless. But that’s exactly the point. 

My daily meditations go from 10 to 20 minutes. Approximately 45 seconds in, my attention starts to wander. I’ll be breathing slowly and deeply, feeling my body start to relax, then my mind will panic about not being in control. Then it stages a takeover bid. Is that rain outside? I need to renew my domain name soon. Did I ever reply to Mum’s text? What kind of weird-arse bird makes that sound? 

Here are some strategies I’ve employed at various points in a bid to stay focused on my practice: repeating mantras, letting go of my thoughts as soon as they appear (trying to let them simply pass), concentrating on each part of my body and letting it relax, using guided meditations. These are sometimes effective, sometimes not. I can proudly declare that I have been meditating almost every day for about three years and am just as crap today as the day I started. 

I’m telling you this because whenever I deliver a message from the angels about the need to meditate, nine times out of 10 I will get this response: ‘I’m no good at meditating’. I’m sure there are lots of holier-than-thou spiritual types who will tell you how good they are at meditating, but I’m a very realistic spiritual type. So here’s the truth: I’m no good at meditating. And this is not a reason not to continue with my practice. It’s actually an excellent reason TO do it. 

The philosophy of meditation is that there is no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ meditation practice – it’s the process itself that matters. You’re discouraged from putting a judgment on the quality of the practice. It’s normal for thoughts to appear in your brain – in fact, it’s almost impossible to clear your mind of all thoughts – the trick is not to engage with those thoughts. If you can resist that, you’ll go deep and experience the level of calm that will melt your stress and change the shape of your day. Zen monk Shunryu Suzuki explains it as follows: “In [meditation] leave your front door and back door open. Let thoughts come and go. Just don’t serve them tea.”

The theory’s good, the practice, less so.

I have had some sublime moments while meditating. A few times I have felt myself lifting right out of my body. I had a sense of floating above in a divine light. It lasted mere seconds but I have never forgotten that feeling. 

I’ve also had very clear messages from my intuition while meditating that have proved immensely helpful in my life, which is a major reason I persevere with it, even though I am often frustrated by my tendency to lose focus and my frequent struggle to let go completely.

The inescapable truth is that even when I feel like I haven’t had a particularly beneficial meditation, I still feel better than I would have if I hadn’t meditated at all. I feel calmer, more centred and fractionally more powerful. Even wine can’t do that (although, sometimes it momentarily fools me into believing it can). 

If you’re struggling with meditation, feeling like you’re doing it wrong or that you’re just not spiritual enough, I feel you. But you’re going to have to come up with a better reason not to commit to this hugely powerful, transformative activity. In a loud, crazy-busy and confusing world, we all need periods of stillness like we never have before. Even when you lose, you’re actually winning. So keep trying, keep failing. You will be better for it. 

RELATED POSTS: Mind and matter – how meditation has changed my world 
Rocking my body. How meditation can affect your health on a deep level

This week is going to be a major week. Here's why

In two days’ time it will be November 11, and I’m really excited about this. At the risk of sounding like a spiritual geek (I guess it’s much too late for that...), 11.11 in any year is a significant date to me because it’s a line-up of my favourite number – one.
One is strong in my personal numerology – and plus, November, the 11^th month, is my birth month. In spiritual terms, this number signifies creativity and confidence, and it appears twice for me in my soul purpose numbers (meaning this energy is extra intense) – so these are the areas that I’m challenged to harness and develop in this lifetime.

I’ll talk more about soul purpose numbers further down the page – and explain how you can find out your own, if that’s something you’re curious about – but first I want to talk about number one in angel numerology, because repetition of numbers is something that a lot of people notice.
Recently on a Facebook group I’m part of, someone posted a comment that she kept seeing ‘1111’ everywhere – she’d glance at her phone and it’d be 11.11am. It’d appear on number plates. On lottery tickets. What was the significance, she wanted to know?

There are two layers of meaning. At its most basic level this is the angels saying hello, and popping in to let you know they’re around and they’ve got your back. We all need constant reminders of that (even me… especially me...) But for those who are looking to grow and expand (which I assume describes you, given you’re reading this blog), this is also a wake-up call. The angels are reminding you at that moment to watch your thoughts, because your thoughts are creating your future – and if you’re bogged down with negative thoughts, those will block what you want. I always take the appearance of a ‘111’ sequence as a prompt for me to mentally delete the negative concepts that have been playing on my mind, then affirm to the angels what I *do* want (current goal: more clients), and thank them for helping me attract that into my life. So essentially it’s a powerful manifestation number. Which is very convenient, because…

November 11 also happens to mark the emergence of a new moon, which is a powerful time for manifestation. Woo! Adding to that, the new moon happens to be in Scorpio (that’s my sign, BTW!), which is the zodiac’s most deeply intuitive sign. 

A screenshot I took last year.

What does all this mean? In short: this week is an intense time for creating what you want – but remember that it’s your responsibility to focus your thoughts to attract what you desire. It’s about believing you CAN have what you dream of, and about tuning into your intuition for guidance. You may have powerful dreams this week, and you’ll almost certainly be having strong nudges from your intuition (that’s the Scorpio moon’s influence). If there’s something you want, you really really want, Wednesday night would be a perfect time to sit down with a pen and paper and write down exactly what you’re aiming to create in your life. You could also combine that with a meditation to clear your mind of any negative residue. Powerful stuff!

Going back to soul purpose numbers, following well-regarded numerologist Dan Millman’s analysis, I’m a 38/11. The three stands for expression – pretty relevant, as a writer – and sensitivity – pretty important, as a healer – and the eight is for abundance and power. Basically what this tells me is that my job in this lifetime is use my creativity to uplift and empower others. And that I’ll be supported by the Universe in doing so. To be honest I’m not overly thrilled about this. My ideal weekend is spent watching reruns of The Fresh Prince in my pyjamas – which, I’m pretty sure, does not benefit the community at large. Still, I know I’m happiest when I’m being creative, and I also know I’m being pushed to expand more than I have ever before, and reach out to people. So I do accept this challenge, although I’m less-than-enthusiastic about it sometimes. While I might not like all the elements of the 38/11 analysis, the information has been far more useful, and felt more accurate, to me than horoscopes (even though I have found astrology relevant, to a degree).

If you’re interested in working out your own soul purpose numerology, here’s a link to the calculator. It’ll only give you a brief summary – you need to read Dan’s book The Life You Were Born To Live to get the full rundown. I hope you find it as helpful as I did. 

Staying connected to the Universe, but still being grounded: all about the crown chakra

This is the final post in my series about each of the seven chakras, or energy centres, of the body. I’ve posted links to the previous six chakras at the bottom of this article if you want a refresher, but first let’s delve into the crown chakra, which is all about your connection with the Universe.

The crown chakra is located at the top of your head (well, obviously!) and is associated with your thought patterns, how well you sleep (or not) and how connected you are with your spirituality.

The best way I can explain the crown chakra is that when it is in balance, life just flows. You have an innate wisdom about how events are unfolding and about the direction in which you should move. The third-eye chakra is about having clear intuition, but the crown chakra is more intensive – it’s concerned with whether you trust the Universe enough to follow those messages (or whether your brain gets in the way). But even though this is about the ethereal stuff, a balanced crown chakra also means you are grounded (i.e. anchored to the real world) – because if you’re not grounded, you can’t integrate messages from your intuition.

(Image: The crown chakra symbol)

One type of people likely to have a crown chakra block are, ironically, those working in the spiritual community - think about the spiritual gurus online who spout a whole lot of convoluted wisdom which has no real-world basis.

Remember how I talked about how each chakra has an adversary? The heart chakra, which is all about love, has ‘grief’ as its adversary. And the sacral chakra, which is about pleasure, has ‘guilt’ as its primary challenger. In the crown chakra that adversary is ‘attachment’. That’s attachment to anything from possessions to an unhealthy relationship to a need to be right all the time. Because when we are attached to any object, or any set outcome, we’re not open to what the Universe is guiding us towards (that which is for our highest good).

My crown chakra is what I use to channel energy from the Universe through when I’m giving someone a reiki treatment. It’s also my pathway for receiving messages from the angels. But you don’t have to be working in the healing field to benefit from having a balanced crown chakra. 

Melatonin, the hormone that regulates healthy sleep patterns, is associated with the crown chakra. When there’s a block in the crown chakra, that interferes with melatonin production, which in turn adversely affects our sleep quantity and quality. It’s no coincidence that this year, the year that I started reiki and giving angel card readings professionally, my incidences of insomnia (which I have suffered from all my life) have decreased significantly. 

When the energy in our crown chakra is deficient we might display these characteristics:

* Very rigid belief systems (closed-mindedness regarding religion and spirituality)

* Dependence on material items to make us feel good

* A tendency to daydream and be away with the fairies

(Image: The seven chakras in the body.)

When the energy in the crown chakra is excessive, we might be:

* Prone to overanalysing

* Likely to over-intellectualise situations

* Constantly struggling to switch off our brains

* Prone to insomnia

To balance out the energy in this chakra, meditation is the best course of action. In yoga, the headstand is effective (for obvious reasons). Also, taking a break from electronics can be hugely beneficial because it forces you to come back to the real world. Being around nature is also a great way to ground yourself.

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If you want to know more about the other chakras, here are the links:

The base chakra – associated with our material needs (i.e. money) and security

The sacral chakra – our emotional health, our creativity and sexual energy

The solar plexus chakra – associated with empowerment and control

The heart chakra – the place from which we give and receive love (to others, and to ourselves)

The throat chakra – associated with communication and self-expression

The third-eye chakra – all about our intuition and perception of the world

If you’d like to work with me to heal any of the issues in this article, you can book energy healing sessions here. More information about how I work is available here.  

Deluded much? Maybe it's the third eye chakra

Ever seen a hopelessly untalented contestant audition for The X Factor and wondered, ‘how can they possibly think they can sing?!’ That’s delusion – and it’s something we all suffer with at various points in our lives. Sometimes delusion can be caused by a block in the third eye chakra, which is the energy centre all about perception and intuition.

The ‘third eye’ is a term commonly used to refer to psychic ability, which is something we all possess to various levels. In almost every angel card reading I do, a message will come through about trusting your intuition. That’s because we all have a direct line to the Universe, and through that we’re given all the information and answers we could possibly need. But our brain just loves to interfere with these messages and tell us that we’re being ridiculous or we’re imagining things. Ensuring your third eye chakra is balanced is one way you can make sure you receive those messages clearly.

Imagination is associated with the third eye chakra, so people in creative industries in particular will benefit strongly from keeping this chakra in balance.

Memory is also highlighted in this chakra, so people who have buried, or are tortured by, unpleasant memories may experience third eye chakra blocks.

While the heart chakra’s enemy was grief and the throat chakra’s adversary was lies, the third eye chakra’s challenge is illusion, or a false sense of belief. If the third eye chakra is in balance we’re able to perceive things as they really are. We’re able to use our intuition to make good choices. We remember our dreams and instinctively understand their significance. We’re able to use visualisation to manifest what we want. We’re also able to detect what isn’t being said by people – in other words, an ability to read people’s body language and elicit meaning from the tone of their voice. We recognise the beauty in our jobs, our relationships and our bodies instead of wishing they were something else.

(Image: the third eye chakra symbol)

When the third eye chakra is deficient, you might display these traits:

* Poor memory

* Lack of imagination

* Denial of present circumstances

* Excessive scepticism

When the third eye chakra is excessive, you might experience:

* Delusions of grandeur

* Obsessions and fantasising

* Difficulty concentrating

* Illusions

* Nightmares

To bring the third eye chakra into balance, meditation and rest are essential. You could also try keeping a dream journal beside your bed, and writing down key themes from intense dreams when you wake up; this helps you notice patterns and messages from your intuition. For yoga types – resting child’s pose and fish pose are helpful.

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Read my posts about the other chakras here:

Base chakra

Sacral chakra

Solar plexus chakra

Heart chakra

Throat chakra

If you’d like to work with me to heal any of the issues in this article, you can book energy healing sessions here. More information about how I work is available here.  

I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes

We all get messages from the Universe by way of intuition (which you probably know as gut feelings) but the problem is that often our logical minds intervene and discredit that message. ‘Oh you just made that up’ or ‘you’re just being paranoid’ are the typical arguments my brain comes up with. But asking for signs can really help get clarity.

That’s why I often ask my angels to give me a clear sign to confirm that the messages are accurate. It’s not a good idea to ask the angels what that sign should look like, but if I have made a decision I’m feeling uncertain about, I often say something like: ‘If it’s for my highest good for me to (accept this contract, for example) please give me a sign that I can clearly understand.’

Typically angels communicate through these signs:

Music

– a particular song that’s meaningful to you might come on the radio unexpectedly, or with lyrics that confirm what you’re already thinking;

Feathers

– may be left in your path or on your doorstep, for example

Coins

– finding coins in unexpected places (ie not your purse!)

Butterflies

– if you notice a swarm around a particular bush, that’s a sign

Clouds

– it’s not unusual for faces to appear in clouds, or sometimes the outline of angels.

This is not an exhaustive list. Sometimes the angels can be really creative and sometimes they’re just really, really obvious – a scenario I covered in this blog post.

Because I communicate with the angels so regularly, they often send me signs without me asking for them – they know that I need reassurance, even before I know it. For example, on Wednesday I was walking to a health appointment that I was feeling apprehensive about. A white feather floated out in front of me, almost brushing my nose, and I knew that was my angels letting me know it would be a favourable outcome (and it was).

Of course, I should point out that you should never use signs as an excuse not to make decisions for yourself. You’re the one in charge of your life. It’s really just a back-up for the occasions you are feeling deeply conflicted. It would also be remiss of me not to mention that you can get carried away with looking for signs, and that’ll lead you down a path of looking for hidden meaning where there is none. I clearly remember an occasion when I was walking home from work in Auckland a few years ago. I saw two feathers and got really excited about it and immediately started trying to deduce the unexplained message. (FYI if you have to think about it too much, there’s nothing there – if it’s a genuine sign your intuition will tell you what it means.) Then I rounded the corner and saw a dead seagull on the footpath – and almost cried with laughter. In case you were wondering, the Universe really does have a sense of humour. And sometimes a feather is just a feather – no hidden messages whatsoever. To know the difference, you have to trust your intuition. Which also happens to be the answer to every problem, ever, BTW.