Help – I’ve forgotten how to relax!

There’s an old saying that doing nothing is never so satisfying as when there’s something else you’re supposed to be doing. These summer holidays I’ve found that to be true.

The idea of relaxing in the sun, chowing down on berries, doing crosswords and napping every afternoon seemed so appealing to me last December, as I scrambled to get my work projects completed on deadline and board that plane. My body told me in no uncertain terms that it really really really needed rest. How delicious! Except...

After Christmas, with the presents unwrapped and the family obligations wrapped, I found myself unable to switch off. I couldn’t prize my phone from my hands. I spent hours every day on my personal Instagram account, which I usually check only once a week (side note: did you know that Instagram emails you ‘what you missed’ messages if you go more than a week without checking it – needy much?!). I turned on TV, knowing there was nothing on. I kept checking my work emails.

My new books remained barely touched. I took so long cracking into crosswords that my sister jumped in and finished them for me. I took no naps.

I am so used to being connected and juggling multiple tasks that I do not know how to do nothing. When you’re self-employed, work never fits within a neat nine-to-five, Monday-to-Friday framework – messages that need responses can come in at any hour. But really, that’s just an excuse I make to justify my reliance on my phone. The reality is, there is no need for me to know what everyone else is doing and saying at any given moment. I am on holiday and the best use of my time right now is doing nothing, to recharge my batteries and allow my body to rest. That involves disconnecting from the outside world and being fully present where I am right now. This is something I’ve had to retrain myself to do.

I have started put my phone on the bench, instead of next to me, and only checking it when I get an SMS. I have got stuck into my novel. I even went for a walk outside. I have got my daily meditation practice, which had fallen by the wayside sometime around November, back on track. It has felt weird to do nothing, but it also felt… right.

I’ve got a lot of arse to kick in 2016. But for now, I need to rest.

It’s just a case of reminding myself how to do that… 

Hello? Yes, I have a problem. Thank you, bye

I had to spend most of my weekend without internet or mobile access, and it was HORRIBLE. This is not the most significant event of my weekend – it was a beautiful getaway with friends to a country house about two hours north of Sydney, in the Hunter Valley wine region – but this struggle with switching off is what I want to talk about here.

At first I welcomed the opportunity to distance myself from the outside world and settle into the stillness. That lasted about half an hour. The only thing that settled was a feeling of restlessness into my bones. At the heart of it: fear of missing out (I think the kids call this FOMO), fear of boredom and fear of being alone with my thoughts, in case I would be confronted by something I didn’t want to deal with. I suspect this latter reason is at play in many modern-life distractions: everything from excessive food and alcohol intake to dead-end relationships.  

Luckily – or unluckily, depending on your perspective – someone mentioned they’d received a good signal in the driveway. Rejoice! From here I was able to check in on the blog, do my daily angel card posts (which appear on the home page, and on my Instagram @onegroundedangel). You can probably guess what happened. Once I had taken care of those tasks I found myself checking Facebook, Twitter, the weather, the cricket score (I don’t even like cricket!), the weather (yes, again), various news sites, my five email accounts… No longer was I relaxing, enjoying my friends’ company and breathing in the fresh country air, I was engaging with people and situations elsewhere. Not being present. Not being with my friends. Not being here, in this moment, the only moment that is real. What a waste.

By distancing myself from the group (no one else seemed to have a problem staying away from the internet) and standing very still (internet coverage was patchy) on a gravel driveway by myself, what I was essentially saying was that I care more about the lives of people in other cities, other countries – most of whom I don’t actually know – than I do about the people who had been sitting next to me, spending time with me in the here and now.  

Recently researchers at the University of Missouri in the US identified a trend called iPhone separation anxiety. Although not a clinically recognised disorder, this term does describe what appears to be a growing problem – our inability, or reluctance, to switch off. You see it in restaurants when couples don’t even talk to each other – they’re too busy on their phones. In this study, participants reported anxiety and poor cognitive functioning when separated from their iPhones.

This, coupled with the events of the weekend, have spurred me to do a study of my own. Starting from tonight, I’m switching off all social media for a week. I’ve done this before, and really felt the benefits, so I’m confident I can follow through. I’ll still log in to do my daily angel card reading and will update the blog, but that’s it. It’s time to remind myself that my life exists in the here and now, and not on a tiny screen.

God help me. 

The beautiful spot where I spent my weekend.