If a relationship happens in the forest and no one
witnesses it, does it really happen at all?
This is the question I’m asking myself after the
emergence of a bizarre Facebook trend this week called the Love Your Spouse
Challenge.
The idea is that people are ‘challenged’ to post
pictures of their partner every day for a week to ‘prove’ how much they love
them. Exactly why this is challenging or even necessary is not clear.
Big deal, you probably think – it’s only a bunch of
photos, and it sure beats having a newsfeed chock-full with political rants.
Plus, it’s not like oversharing on Facebook is a new phenomenon. I agree… and
yet I find this trend perplexing. The idea that so many people feel they need
to ‘prove’ the integrity of their relationships to anyone outside of that
relationship is a little concerning.
We’ve had the ‘relationship’ angel card come up
twice in the last week, so the Universe is putting a lot of emphasis on the
strength of our primary relationships right now. The angels have been
encouraging us to really show up for our partners. At no point, however, did
they mention ~posting~ about our partners.
If you feel like you need to prove your love for
your partner, that’s a fairly good indicator that you need to have a
conversation. With them, that is, not with your 378+ Facebook friends. Because people
who feel secure in their relationships generally don’t go looking for
validation from other people. They don’t need to.
Perhaps it’s just me who feels this way – after
all, I’m slightly allergic to highly personal Facebook posts. When my
boyfriend changed his Facebook status – and, consequently, mine also – to
‘in a relationship’, I felt quite uncomfortable, for reasons that had nothing
to do with our relationship and everything to do with what people thought about
it. I knew that this would invite public comment on something that is,
ultimately, private.
Sure enough, over an excruciating three-day period
we got a bit of attention. I squirmed in my seat as well-meaning people posted
excited comments. Someone even said ‘congratulations’ as if I had won a prize.
Perhaps escaping that perennially shameful institution known as singledom is
regarded as a prize of sorts (sigh).
I don’t mean to be dismissive – it’s lovely that
people wanted to share in our happiness, and many people knew that I had felt
ready for a relationship for some time. But the showy nature of Facebook made
me feel like I’d been forced to ride atop a float in some weird parade. Someone
told me they were pleased because I ‘deserved to be happy’. Well, yes, thank you, I do… but
so does everyone, surely. ‘I was happy before I met this guy, too!’ I
wanted to shout. No one cares. It feels like we idealise relationships so much that we don’t recognise single people as being truly happy and
complete. For obvious reasons, this is problematic.
I know that the people commenting on my status
change had only the best of intentions, and certainly weren’t making social
commentary. But it felt like some remarks reflected an underlying, widespread
belief that a relationship is the only measure of someone’s success in the
world, and that a woman without a man is lacking in a major way. I suspect this
is what fuels the idea that a relationship flaunted on social media is a
healthy one.
But I digress.
From a spiritual perspective, your romantic
relationship is a direct reflection of your relationship with yourself. When
you’re feeling insecure or doubtful of your own worth, that will show up in the
way you show up for your partner. You cannot have a healthy relationship with
someone if you don’t believe you truly deserve love. Part of our soul’s journey
in this lifetime is to grow to appreciate our own intrinsic worth and immense
power, so we can shine our brightest. Yet we are socially conditioned to
believe that our worth derives from earning the love of another. So we saddle
that person with the burden of fulfilling us and giving our lives meaning, not
realising that this task belongs to us alone.
Self-love is an inside job. You cannot outsource
it. The bad news: it’s really hard to love yourself in a world that
tells you you’re not good enough (alone or otherwise). The good news: it’s
entirely possible to do so – which is why the Universe will keep gently nudging
you in this direction. And the better you get at valuing yourself, the
better your romantic relationship will become. Or if you’re single, the better quality of partner you’ll attract. I did not meet a lovely man then
became a contented, confident person who leads from the heart – it
was the other way around. I became a contented, confident person then attracted
a lovely man.
Is there a Facebook trend for that? I think there should be. #relationshipgoals