Looking backwards, to move forwards. That's how a retrograde rolls

So Mercury retrograde is back in all its badassery. I’ve talked about the ways this planetary cycle can screw up our daily lives, both on this blog and on my Facebook page, so I won’t bang on about it again here. What I do want to reflect on is the way this is actually prompting me to, well, reflect.

Being an introvert and a Scorpio I tend to spend a lot of time in introspection anyway, but when this sort of energetic pull happens, that shift inwards is more pronounced. Retrograde means looking backwards, so it makes sense that this sort of planetary movement would prompt us to look back, in order to help us move forwards. Without making a conscious choice to do so, I’m finding myself naturally looking back on some areas that have tripped me up.

Kris Carr, American cancer survivor and author of Crazy Sexy Kitchen, talks about life going through cycles (nope, not the Circle of Life, but I love that you thought of that. Can we be friends?), similar to the seasons nature goes through. It’s kind of like going through a ‘winter’ – a time of contemplation and stillness – and ‘spring’, a time of renewal and starting afresh, etc. I like this analogy.

Human beings aren’t great at being still, though. When we’re exhausted we drink a Red Bull. When we’re sick, we take a Codral. When we’re bored, we jump on Facebook. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with these things – sometimes you’ve just gotta do what you’ve gotta do to get through what’s ahead of you. But when you consistently ignore the cues your body is giving you to pull back for a while, you’re depriving yourself of valuable time to process and regroup. I’m learning not to feel guilty when I just really need to cancel my plans and spend a Sunday in my pyjamas eating chips, and not to panic that there’s something wrong with me when I’m exhausted despite getting lots of sleep and not being overstressed. That’s just what my body needs in that moment. Sometimes, doing nothing is doing everything.

I don’t know for sure that my current quiet time is due to the Mercury retrograde, but I do know it’s beneficial. Over the past few days I’ve noticed how my attention is being drawn to attitudes and behaviours that I need to address. It's also highlighting things that I’m clinging onto that are no longer serving me. Here are some of the things that have come up for me:

·         * Yesterday I noticed myself fobbing off a younger colleague who had asked me for advice. I realised I was doing this because I felt threatened by her talent and wanted to keep an advantage. That’s an insecurity thing – an ongoing issue for me – and it’s not cool.

·         * While filling out some complicated online documents, I threw a tanty and chucked my phone across the room. (So very mature!) A familiar pattern – I realised I have a tendency to give up too quickly when things seem too hard. I’d been obeying that voice saying ‘you’re stupid’, which is on regular rotation in my internal jukebox. I gave it another go, with a little more patience, and eventually I got there (with some swearing… OK, a LOT of swearing).  

·        *  I noticed how much my attention wanders on the reg. I’m not even talking about long meetings, I’m talking about how in conversation with someone my brain will start thinking about where I need to go next. While I accept that I’ll probably always have this tendency, I do want to learn some techniques to improve my focus. This seems like a good time to work on that.

        I think I’ll use this reflective period to observe these things without judgment, and some of the other stuff that has come up. If I’m aware of them, I can choose different responses. May as well do something useful while I sit and wait for those buses that don’t show (thanks again, Mercury).