One of the really great things about
having a spiritual business is that you receive wonderful feedback from people.
One of the challenging things about having a spiritual business is that you
receive wonderful feedback from people.
Yep, you read that right.
As much as I love hearing
from people whose lives have been fundamentally altered by a card reading, who’ve
felt uplifted after reading a blog post I’ve penned, or who’ve been moved by an
Oracle Card Of The Day, sometimes that feedback makes me feel uncomfortable.
I’ve been asking myself some probing questions
about why I have such an uneasy response to what is, for all intents and
purposes, a thing to celebrate. Why it is that I sometimes have to put the
phone down and take several deep, slow breaths before I respond thanking that
person. Why I might change the subject when a client thanks me for the healing
session I’ve given them. It’s because, when I’m communicating with spirit then
relaying those messages or transferring that energy to others, I am making myself very vulnerable. Equally,
when I share my deepest thoughts and emotions on this blog. And when people
respond to that vulnerability, it amplifies how exposed I
feel. And that can be terrifying.
I want to make it clear that I do really
love your feedback – it’s incredibly helpful for me to be shown how the
positive energy I’m giving out is being received (and then returned to me in
spades). But I still feel uncomfortable when it comes to receiving such
feedback.
Recently I read a fascinating article on Psychology Today (yes, I’m a nerd… but I doubt that’s a surprise to you) about the fear of acceptance. I’m familiar
with the fear of rejection, but the idea of someone avoiding acceptance was new
to me. Except that it wasn’t that new to me, actually, because it’s something I’ve
been acting out throughout my life in many ways – I just didn’t know there was
a name for it.
This is the statement in the article that resonated most with me: “When you are with someone whose demeanour, smile or kind words suggest that they respect, like or accept you, how do you feel inside? Do you notice some inner squirming or discomfort?” Yes I do. Lots of it.
Here’s what fear of acceptance means: in a bid to protect ourselves from being rejected, we take measures (both consciously and unconsciously) to avoid being accepted. We sabotage friendships and relationships. We stay on the outer fringes of social circles and events, to avoid being noticed. We get hung up on what people might think of us instead of focusing on how we feel in their company. Basically, we like to hide.
Here’s what fear of acceptance means: in a bid to protect ourselves from being rejected, we take measures (both consciously and unconsciously) to avoid being accepted. We sabotage friendships and relationships. We stay on the outer fringes of social circles and events, to avoid being noticed. We get hung up on what people might think of us instead of focusing on how we feel in their company. Basically, we like to hide.
But having a spiritual
business means I don’t get to hide. I have to show up wholeheartedly. I have to be vulnerable and human.I have
to be ALL IN. I cannot keep people at a
distance. I cannot play safe. I cannot mirror the attitudes or behaviours of
other people – I have to honour my own truth. I can no longer run away
from connection.
Coming up against internal resistance is
usually a pretty good sign that there’s something underlying I need to address.
It’s an opportunity for growth. So following the article’s advice, this is my
new strategy. When I receive a heart-felt compliment or a comment on something
I’ve done that has made an impact on someone, I’m going to lean into the
discomfort. I’m not going to brush it off. I will not attempt to transform into
a person who loves getting attention and who embraces compliments like a boss –
because that is not how I’m wired. Instead, it’s about accepting that this
makes me uncomfortable, and being OK with that. Choosing to lean in anyway. And
realising – eventually – that I’m completely safe to do that.
RELATED LINKS: With compliments. Just own it, darling